“I've missed more than
9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been
trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and
over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan
It was bound to happen at
some point.
I was hoping somewhere in
my graduate studies I would bump in to some concept or idea that I could relate
to my interest in Sikh thought, and sure enough it happened in the oddest of
places...a business ethics seminar. In reviewing David Brook's New York Times article titled "If It Feels Right", Brooks finds
that young people in America are mostly disconnected from any moral
sources, and as a result find youth in an “atmosphere of extreme moral
individualism -- of relativism and non-judgmentalism.”
This doesn't mean they are immoral, but their morals are based
on "what feels right."
At first, I was relieved
that this phenomenon was not limited to Sikh youth. As one who has been
working with Sikh youth for a good part of my life, I've noticed this
growing trend of "moral individualism" and "non-judgmentalism"
when it comes to their Sikhi and dynamics within the larger sangat.
I've seen it time and time
again...a young Sikh makes a commitment to further their Sikhi
development, say grows out their hair, receives amrit, charni lagna, or begins
wearing a dastaar. They are happily willing to receive the
support and encouragement by their sangat as they begin this new
journey. However, if they fall off the path, or back out on their
commitment, all bets are off. That same sangat feels threatened to say
something at the risk of being "judgmental" and often times
the struggling Sikh themself casts everybody off with a "hey, leave me alone…this is my personal
journey" attitude. But is it though? And is that all
your sangat is supposed to be? Just people to listen to kirtan with
and cheer you on during good times?
Sure, I do believe the
journey of a Sikh is largely personal. It’s about building and developing
that relationship with the Guru through personal discipline, simran, and
reflection on gurbani. However, there is a very public aspect of Sikhi
too that is quite unique. Let's face it, Guru Sahib gave us a distinct
uniform that not only reminds us of our principles every time we look
in a mirror, but it also proclaims to the world who we are and what
we believe in. And if I am going to publicly don the uniform of my Gurus
and the heroes that followed, shouldn't I be held accountable by
my sangat when I misrepresent it? If I have willingly
knelt before the Guru and offered my head, shouldn't my sangat challenge
me when I break that commitment? So It begs the question...where does accountability end and judgment begin?
Some say it depends on the
approach...those who are humble, loving, and compassionate in their criticism
are okay, while the others are just being judgmental. As I've stated in
previous posts, I do believe sangat should be kind
and compassionate when trying to guide their fellow brother or sister back on
track, but realistically, it won’t always happen that way. And how often
are most of us willing to graciously take criticism regardless of how it is
delivered, especially for something that means so much to us as our Sikhi?
There is one thing about
being a student I know for sure...I will fail at some point or another.
Maybe once, maybe many times...It's inevitable. But if I believe my
path is true, I simply cannot throw my hands in the air and give up every time
I fall, nor can I dismiss everybody around me in fear of being judged. I
need to check my own ego at the door, and humbly take the criticism and advice
from my sangat…because if I believe
they are my sangat, than I have to believe their intentions are good and that
we're all in this together.
In my
days playing football, I recall what it's like to have the ball slip
through my hands on an important play and feel like I've let my team
down, as we'll as myself. But something interesting
happens immediately after that. The coach rarely puts you on
the bench after a botched play, instead he puts you right back in. Why?
So you don’t dwell on your mistake and instead get right back out there
and rebuild your confidence. Similarly
your teammates may be disappointed, but they'll still give you some
tips on your technique and cheer you right back on to the field. And on
the way back to the huddle, you have no time to wallow in despair or let your
ego get the best of you - because after all, it's not all about you…you play
for a team.
